**  Please enjoy a little culinary magic from The Chef, founder of “Cook to Bang.”   For more sexy recipes, go to www.cooktobang.com

Sometimes a case of Pabst Blue Ribbon and a bag of stale Cheetos just don’t do the job when it comes to seduction.  My apologies to the corner store Casanovas.  Sometimes a little elbow grease can oil the joints keeping your date’s legs stuck together.  And what better way to do that then a familiar bar food favorite that happens to be loaded with APHRODISIAC power?  In case the artichoke wasn’t enough sex appeal, we threw in the silky avocado to deliver a foolproof contingency plan.  You’re welcome.  This became a last minute creation needed for an impromptu Super Bowl date with a pack of three football-loving ladies.  These girls clearly knew their shit when it came to pig skin and potato skins.  Making a good impression was crucial for the touchdown that followed with my girl there. There was most certainly necessary roughness.  The extra point was the phone number her sexy friend wearing the Steelers jersey slipped me.  

 

Total time: approximately 35 minutes

Projected cost: $11

Drinking Buddy: A MOJITO or RAGING HARD ON LEMONADE

Ingredients (serves a party or 2 hungry people for days):

1. 2 tablespoons of mayonnaise

2. 1 8-ounce can of artichoke hearts in water

3. 1 round roll of foccacia bread

4. 4 ounces of cream cheese

5. 2 ROASTED RED PEPPERS

6.½ an avocado sliced

7. ½ a lemon worth of juice

8. ½ cup of parmesan cheese

 

Step 1

Preheat the oven to 350 degrees F.  Chop up the artichoke hearts and roasted red peppers and toss them into a bowl with the avocado, parmesan cheese, lemon juice, cream cheese and mayonnaise.  Work out your pent up sexual frustration by mashing up the ingredients.

Step 2

Cut the top of the focaccia roll and set aside.  Pull out the center breading, leaving the sides and bottom in tact.  If need be, use your right and left hooks and pound the sides in.  Crown the bread top with some parmesan cheese, toast it brown, then cut it up in slices to serve with the dip.

Step 3

Pour in the mashed up raw dip into an oven safe bowl and heat through (approx 20 minutes).  Remove the heated dip from the oven and dump in evenly into the bread bowl you have created.  Crown it with some parmesan cheese and throw it back in the oven and heat up the bread and melt cheese on top (approx 10 minutes).  Serve it up with those toasted slices and tortilla chips. Super job!  I knew you had it in you.

ARTICHOKE AND POKE DIP

by The Chef

DESSERT is the time when a Cook usually turns into Bang.  Many final courses like cheesecake that take over a day to make, like a slow, patient seduction.  There is nothing wrong with taking your time to holler at the moon so long as you do in fact holler.  But we live in a culture that wants everything yesterday. In fairness to the instant gratification crowd, here’s an instant dessert that is healthy, tasty, and quick on the go.  Do not fear the balsamic vinegar for it is your friend.  The fusion of the powdered sugar, fructose from the berries and the vinegar is like some mystical alchemy that preps your tongue ready for more adventuresome travels.  Be sure to hand-feed these to your date, thus fostering the intimacy you will no doubt exploit for your own perverted gains.  I have made this outstanding standout for more dates than I can remember and not once have I been refused. Won’t you join our merry band of culinary pranksters?

Total time: approximately 2 minutes

Projected cost: $4

Drinking Buddy: Champagne of course

 

Ingredients (serves 2):

1. 2 tablespoons of powdered sugar

2. 2 tablespoons of balsamic vinegar

3. 1 package of fresh strawberries  

4. ½ a lemon worth of juice

 

Step 1

Cut the strawberries into thin slices, removing the stems. Squeeze the lemon juice over the strawberries followed by the balsamic vinegar and the powdered sugar. Serve this simple satisfaction on a platter and feed them to your lover(s).

BALLS-ON-IT BALSAMIC STRAWBERRIES

by The Chef

Success!